A look at someone who was an important part of my mis-spent youth …..
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I have written before about my 40th high school reunion that I attended in July of last year and how meaningful it was for me. (Junior high was a horrible time for me, and it was high school where I had a chance to heal and grow). I followed-up with a comment about finally meeting someone four months later who was — in a very real sense — part of my graduating class, yet unable to attend the reunion.
And that was our Jesuit school chaplain, the Rev. James Boesel — who was in the early stages of dementia, I learned at the time of the reunion. As I wrote at this time last year, I never needed (nor sought) any sort of “counseling” (spiritual or otherwise) from him … in fact, I stopped by the first time simply because I was …. bored stiff one day. It proved to be the first of several conversations over the next year, discussing everything from Watergate to Vietnam to my college plans to current events (with ethics being the only topic one expects a chaplain to do with). I never heard a word of dogma from him, only the sort of intellectual discussion I came to expect from a Jesuit (which we see today in the figure of Pope Francis).
I was put in touch with his nephew, who told me where he was living and whom to contact. I wanted very much to see him, lo these many years later … yet I knew I would not have time to do so when I travelled to my native Long Island for the reunion weekend itself.
And so I planned to do so on my next trip to the area … four months later for Thanksgiving. The rectory where he was living at was agreeable to my visiting him, provided I kept it to, say, fifteen minutes due to his condition. That’s all the time I had in my schedule anyway, so as to leave time for taking the Long Island Railroad (and cab rides).
It was a rather one-sided conversation; he was unable to say more than two words at a time. Yet he seemed alert, and smiled when I showed him a photocopy I had brought with me. I thanked the staff for helping me arrange the visit, then was on my way to spend the rest of the Thanksgiving weekend with friends and family, yet glad I made the effort to re-connect.
You can imagine how grateful I was about having gone-out-of-my-way to arrange that visit …. when I learned that our old chaplain died this past weekend.
James Boesel (dies 11/7/15)I have always subscribed to the theory of “completing the circle” — in tying-up loose ends, going back to tell people how much they meant to me (at a critical time of my life). The veteran stage actress Helen Hayes mentioned this in her memoirs— noting that when she retired from the Broadway stage, it was a gala event. She then, though, arranged (as quietly as possible) to secure a cameo role in a play staged in her hometown of Washington, D.C. She said words to the effect of “This is how I made my stage debut, and this is how I want to go out” — the Broadway gala notwithstanding.
One other aspect of this: is to tell those who meant something to you … while they are still of-this-earth. I noted this in a 2012 Top Comments diary about my first full-time boss, Wally Graham — who (along with my father, Father Boesel and my high school principal) were early male role models for me.
Yet one Monday morning (as a twenty-four year old) I came into the office to learn that Wally Graham had died of a heart attack at only age 53. That’s a regret that I always carry: that I never sent Wally a thank-you note or a Christmas card in gratitude for the trust he placed in me, and the guidance he provided. (He was the best first boss anyone could have).
Fortunately, it was not too late to re-connect with my old chaplain. And I suppose that’s my message for tonight: if you have a chance to complete-the-circle with an important figure from your past … do so, while you have the chance. I also found my junior high English teacher (Howard Katzoff) on-line … a thrill simply to exchange hellos.
Oh, and the photocopy that I mentioned bringing to our brief meeting? It was from my senior yearbook some forty years earlier. A posed photo, I hasten to add … I just happened to be passing-by when photos were being taken. Yet he got a smile out of it (as did the staff at the rectory). Something to hold onto, as the years pass by.
Myself (when I had *cough* hair *cough*) and our old chaplain … in the spring of 1974.Now, on to Top Comments:
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